The new job

Five weeks on the new job now and I'm just getting the courage up to form an opinion on it. I'm afraid to say I really like it. Afraid only because I don't want to jinx myself. Two and a half years on a cardiac floor will really get you superstitious.

Cory says I sleep better at night. I no longer feel nauseated each morning before work. Oh, and I get up at 6:40 instead of 5:15 - that's a reason to like the new job no matter the other details. I don't worry constantly about killing someone, even when I'm at home. I actually get to eat lunch when I want, and use the bathroom more than once in 12 hours if I need to. No more "code browns" (if you don't know what that is, just guess), shift changes, nasty on-call docs, incessant charting, isolation gowns, or safety officers pop-quizzing me with stupid questions like "how many seconds can this cleaning wipe be out of its package and still retain its antimicrobial properties?" instead of allowing me to answer the call lights (usually all four at once) going off in my patient rooms. I didn't realize how burned out I was until now. I haven't even worked up the courage to go back to clean out my locker.

I'm a tough person. I can handle the harsh realities that a nurse in the hospital must face, and I did it so well for so long that management was genuinely shocked when I handed in my resignation. I am a knowledgable and confident nurse, but the overwhelming patient load and acuity I was facing was too much, and I didn't realize how it was chewing away at me until I stepped away. I could handle the pressure, but couldn't handle feeling like I wasn't doing a good job. No matter how hard I tried, I was failing my patients, one after another.

I'm not sure what the future will bring with this new job, but I'm glad to have my life back.